There is almost an obsession with being loved unselfishly.

Out there is the perfect person who will supply your needs forever.

Your mission impossible is to find that person, convince them to love you and you will be happy forever.

And you will love them back, but secondly.

Unfortunately, this love is the one that makes the world go round.

And yet there is no freedom in this love, only obligation.

For me, I thought that if I loved someone unselfishly they would love me back unselfishly.

I was wrong. I found that out the hard way.

Such unselfish love is still obligation: it is still a deal: it is love transactional.

Now I have created a contradiction. But there is an alternative. It is not for everyone though….

Perhaps this story might throw some light on the dilemma. I came across this Sufi story about a week after my second marriage failed:

“A lover came to the dwelling of the Beloved and asked to be admitted.

‘Who is there?’ the Beloved asked.

‘I am here’, the lover answered.

The Beloved refused to admit the lover. After wandering in grief and longing for years, the lover returned to the Beloved and begged to be admitted.

‘Who is there?’, the Beloved asked.

‘You alone are there’, the lover responded.

The door opened.”

I was deeply moved by this story. Instantly I knew its meaning. As I wrote this I drew even more insight from it.

The lover cannot be selfish: all grief is gone.
The lover cannot be obligated: he or she is free from everything that would thwart unselfish love.

The lover is free to love.

For me I have some way to go.