End of the footy season and time to reflect for the winners and losers.
Perhaps from the players, coaches and supporters point of view but certainly from mine, the hardest thing for me as a perfectionist is the extended failure. Whether its a relationship or a project, where i have poured myself completely into it and completely crashed and burned. Much like in sport for instance, where all effort has been made and little result returned.
And when I play it back as if describing the experience to an unbiased bystander, I hear them say, no one should have gone through what you went through. The listener is empathetic but not sympathetic. The listener doesn’t feel sorry for me in any way shape or form just says what he/she says. Implied in the listening is that thought: well now he’s found out what i know and he may be a little wiser. There’s no pity for me at all which ought to be disappointing!! Besides the disappointment has come and gone now : it’s too late for that now. Besides ongoing disappointment is boring, I’m better off choosing differently.
And what I realise is that yes I’ve failed but I’m also intact. And will be whatever happens. And that’s when the miracle occurs!! But it’s not the one I’ve dedicated myself to: whether relationship or career or project. It’s an insight : that whatever happened happened and there’s something better. It’s just not what I pinned my hopes and dreams to! Wait and see!