Invasion 101

Prepare the invasion fleet.
Black space sparkled, gleamed and glistened as our ships came to life. Sleeping soldiers woke, stretched, uncoiled their tendrils, weapons at the ready.
I sighed and shook my head.
Their astronomers soon would see us. As a rapidly approaching asteroid swarm. And alert their leaders.
Not again.
You, I said. Wake up.
The Fleet Commander yawned, shifted in his pod and waved his talons at me.
We’re prepped and ready, he thought back at me.
Locked and loaded, I thought back. As they say on earth.
And groaned.
We’d spent too much time watching their action movies, I thought.
Do you really want to do this? I thought.
His skin turned purple.
If you weren’t my senior, he said.
You’d listen to my advice, I returned.
Which is?
I can save all of your lives.
His sardonic laughter enveloped my mind. I reached out and smothered his mind. And implanted curiosity.
How? He finally said.
They know we’re coming. Their stories detail how they beat us. You’ve read their mythology, heard their stories, I began.
Now his anger flowed through me.
Evil aliens, he said, defeated by puny lasers and popgun nukes.
Paint me stupid.
Don’t tempt me, I thought. I could make it permanent.
More sardonic laughter. He stretched out in his pod.
We nuke them from orbit. Turn them into toast, as they’d say. Good enough for the Cylons, good enough for them, he finished.
At least he had done some research, I thought. But it was time to put my plan into action.
Enough, I said.
What then?
I held up a vial in my tendril.
Their greatest myth talks of an alien invasion defeated by a virus. Let it be so.
Give me two of their years.
He sighed. He reached out and kicked the switch. Our ships clocked. Our troops leant back into hibernation.
I loaded the vial and pulled the trigger. The capsule arced it’s way to earth towards one of their most populous areas.
Meanwhile, I leant back and plugged in. TV, radio, internet, their hive mind.
Soon my head filled.
What is this?
What should we do?
We must isolate from each other.
We’re all in this together.
Meanwhile, the other earthly voices grew in volume.
We must learn to live with this.
And their leaders, in unison, saying, I take no responsibility. Suffixed by the growing dying silence.
The extermination had begun. My promotion would be a formality.

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