Why there may be a better way
“Call it out.” Which is one of the most common phrases used against masculine misbehaviour.
Photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash
Call it out assumes that one admonishment makes the problem go away. And how it that going? Well? But the avalanche hasn’t melted has it? Each week the tide of misogyny creeps forward almost unchecked soon to be a flood.
Calling it out assumes that perpetrators will hear, act and change. Afterwards as if they’re an automaton cease and desist their misogyny. Perhaps then and there it may work in that moment. But almost certainly never afterward. Usually calling bad behaviour out doesn’t change it. Don’t ask me, ask your parents. Or a teacher. Or a trainer. Or an adult educator.
Calling it out is the secret that men who try to intervene won’t tell anyone. Especially other men. Because those men who abuse women abuse other men as well. To keep them quiet and compliant and submissive. As bullies do.
Photo by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash
Ironically perpetrators use similar words of abuse aas they “call you out” on your behaviour. I won’t list the names they use as most would be familiar : although my favourite is cuck – short for cuckold – more like cuckoo. And then you’ll be in a firefight. Or worse.
And they see their behaviour as normal. Why? And here is the clue to the possible answer.
Because these perpetrators are behaving for the attention of other men. Demeaning women is as horrible as it is to point out just part of their game. But looking good for your mates – gold absolute gold. Yelling at these perpetrators doesn’t work. It’s just clutter that gives them joy.
And let me be really clear. If you’ve read this far I’m not using this as an excuse for the quieter men to condone this behaviour. Because I may have seen a better approach that works – as a parent and an adult educator.
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash
By encouraging better behaviour and pointing out the positive consequences of that – because in truth the inhabitants of the manosphere aren’t happy. How can they be in a world of boring small talk and minimised expectations.
By respecting everyone and treating everyone with compassion (despite one’s limitations and inconsiderations). Which is easier than shuffling through the spreadsheet of one’s bigotries.
By as far as possible modelling that behaviour as a man. That at least gives a contrast.
And no, not all men. But it only takes one misogynist to destroy a life. And hopefully one other to make a start. And time is short. Time is so short.
