Unfortunately this will recur. Again. Whether it is the murder of yet another women by her partner. Or whether it is the rape of a young girl by teenagers. Or whether it is AFL players having too good a time.

Most likely the murderer will be brought to justice. More unlikely will be the rapist. And most unlikely will be the AFL players. Most likely they will be let go by their club and everyone will forget about it. Until it happens again.

And despite the public outcry, the calls for action, the sackings of players and other high profile offenders, the tighter legislation, the increase in support resources, the sad truth is that these issues will recur.

Because the people that are carrying out these outrages are not reasonable.

And the people that commit them are men just like me – part of the patriarchy.

When people speak of the patriarchy or the manosphere, they speak of it as if it is a cloud that descends, falls as rain and disappears.

The patriarchy is with us all the time.

But what isn’t noted about the patriarchy is how cultish it is. With what I’ve read about cults – fiction and non-fiction and what I am researching – cults are nearly always patriarchal but oddly enough no one says how the patriarchy behaves as a cult.

Which is why it cannot be reasoned with and why what it perpetrates is recurrent.

Sure the reflex action is to call out bad behaviour. And depending upon how the perpetrator reacts to bystanders, that may work in that moment. But it will not change the behaviour long term.

Because within the patriarchy, there are men who will never change. Because their attitudes and behaviour towards women are set in stone. And yes one can “not all men” that but that doesn’t matter. Because all that is needed is one man. One man to destroy another’s life. And the lives of those that love them. And the lives of those too. That’s not why we exist. That’s not our calling as humans. All of which the patriarchy opposes.

Because the patriarchy, manosphere, toxic masculinity call that what you will isn’t a culture. If only it were that straightforward. Because if the patriarchy was a culture, guess what? It could change.

Cultures are open and fluid, joyfully and generously giving and borrowing from others. And guess what? The patriarchy or manosphere, whatever you might label it, is none of those things.The patriarchy is in fact that truncated suffocated version of a culture – a cult.

And even a superficial examination of the patriarchy and cults match.

Just like a cult it makes promises of exclusivity – we are the righteous, the oppressed, the deprived, the ones who must take revenge. You don’t need to even dip into the manosphere to know these are the words and slogans used.

The cult of patriarchy censors and ignores and demeans those who do not adhere to its tenets. And it expels and vilifies and destroys those that differ. And those who walk away.

Anyone who has been in a cult knows they exercise the tools of coercive control whether within groups or within a cult of one.

And within this cult there are charismatic leaders whether it’s Andrew Tate (I really didn’t want to mention him) or a fine upstanding sportsman (see this weeks news)  or a teenager (same). And they have a vision even if it is do this and don’t get hit. And that so-called leadership is exercised by their lackeys on their victims. A cult of many that’s ultimately a cult of one.

And within that cult of patriarchy like any other there’s that lack of diversity whether it’s white versus black, conservatives versus woke, and ultimately for the patriarchy male versus female.

Whether it’s Proud Boys or your unfriendly work troll (you know who you are and I haven’t forgotten) who posts under multiple multi alphanumeric Twitter handles, they stay loyal to the cause. So much so that they wear criticism with pride. Because like any cult member, facing up to the shame is too great a price to pay.

Consequently the patriarchy lives within the patriarchy considering women the enemy, a foe to be conquered and any male that supports women exactly the same. That’s why the insults levelled at women and make supporters are almost exactly alike.

Meaning cults aren’t terribly creative. Because if they were, people would start thinking for themselves and find their way out.

Like those who ultimately escape the clutches of a cult. And it has to start with one man.