“I am the former dictator of Nigeria…”

Really? No one ever titles themselves a dictator.

President for Life, maybe Generalissimo, even Dear Leader. Never dictator.

Although last week’s email said former Nigerian prince.

“And I need your most urgent help…”

Always.

“With my impending demise from terminal cancer…”

How about heart disease or  even old age?

“I need your assistance to relocate my fortune (US$200 million) overseas before the Government impounds it….”

My problem exactly. Although I only have (US$20000).

“Please forward to me your full name, mobile, occupation to my legal representatives, Key Lagos Lawyers.”

Which of course I do.  I send the burner number. And the generic email.

One week passes…

The email from Lawyers of Lagos arrives.

“Dear Andrew, I bear sad news. The former Nigerian dictator passed away.”

They always die within the week. Who knew a quick email reply would be such a shock?

“Consequently you are the sole beneficiary of his estate.”

Again.

“Immediately send US$10,000 to facilitate the legal transactions required to Bank of Los Lagos, branch and account number supplied.”

Blatant bribery. But now I have all the information I need. I compose and send my email.

“Please re-enter your bank account details…”

One week passes…

From Los Lagos Bank, “You are now the proper authorised person for this bank account.”

They clicked.

You might be thinking I’m a scammer too. Or that I want revenge. But that’s not my style.

All I want is mere world domination. One scammer at a time.